Self-Help Guides Are A Load of B******

Dear me,

I think it’s time you stepped away from all the mindfulness books, the ‘self help’ tips on pinterest and group therapy on Facebook. It’s all quite comical really, all these things that are suppose to help you and you can’t do half of them!

As if getting up the same time every morning is really going to help, you couldn’t do it even if you tried. Your meds knock you out every night and every morning is a struggle.

As if meditating for 10 minutes every day is going achieve anything? There is no way to calm the buzzing little brain you have, and maybe it’s time to accept that.

As if repeating mantras in your mirror is going to change you perspective on life in 5 minutes. I mean, come on!

Maybe I am being too much of a pessimist, but it’s a load of bollocks isn’t it?

Love,

Me

x

Lyrics

Do you ever listen to a song and just relate? As if the song was written for you? The person is singing what’s going on up in there? I get it quite a lot, and I guess I just wanna share with you what has been relating to me recently.

‘I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed,

get along with the voices inside of my head

you’re trying to save, stop holding your breath

you think I’m crazy, yeah you think I’m crazy

well that’s nothing’

‘I don’t wanna die, but I ain’t keen on living either’

 

 

My Regrets & Me

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I thought I’d step away from the letters this time and do something a little new, so please bare with!

Whilst it may be obvious to some, yes, I suffer with mental health issues. What they are exactly is yet to be confirmed, but a quick idea would be depression, anxiety and PTSD, amongst other undiagnosed conditions. One thing I struggle with the most is my mood, and not in a happy or sad way, more of a what can I achieve today mood. Sound strange? yeah thought so.

Basically, I get into these moods where I feel as if I can achieve anything, and not JUST anything but ridiculous things! I can start my own business? Easy! (Hi I am Chloe your new Stella & Dot Stylist), Six pack? Easy! (Sweat with Kayla app & doing crazy work outs at the gym, restricted eating) Saw a cute tattoo on pinterest? (Oh you’re open and can see me now? Great!) Oh your not even related cousin in Australia is getting married? Let’s look at flights to surprise her! (Thank GOODNESS I didn’t go through with that one) and well, many more. All of these things I regret massively, simply because in those moments I wasn’t thinking straight and have cost me money which I can never get back, which would be a massive issue if I wasn’t earning. It doesn’t matter how much it costs at the time, as I have the money, but after it is just like WHY? What was I thinking? Online stylist? anyone who knows me knows I can barely dress myself let alone style someone else. Why do I think doing these things are okay? I now have a tattoo reminder  ON MY FINGER! Yes that’s right, my finger. It’s a small heart, it’s not even coloured just the outline. It’s just so ridiculous.

I’m hoping I am not the only one who does these things. I think there is a difference between getting what you want and doing what you want, I’m just trying to find the balance,

Leave a comment below if you suffer the same, and what your ways of coping are.

Love,
Me
x

The Pursuit of Happiness & You

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Dear me,

This image speaks to you a lot. Over the last couple of months you have been going through a really tough patch. Like a REALLY tough patch. You have been signed off work for weeks, been on 3 different medications, had endless appointments with your GP/counsellors and had one self admission to A&E. You have cried, screamed, laughed, slept, smiled and became hysterical, sometimes in one day and somehow you are still here today. I guess what I am trying to say is: stop trying to change what you can not. Have the strength to love your insecurities, to love yourself. You can do it. One day at a time. Be strong and find the courage.

Love your older, self loving you.

me
x

Friday 26th February 2016

Dear me,

How many times have you deleted this post and started over? too many to count. Lets starts with the basics – f/uk/23. Feel like I’m chatting to Mr anonymous on msn again, or smarterchild, whatever floats your boat. Why am I doing this you ask? Simple! You have too many thoughts flying around in that little brain of yours and need a release.. so hello blog! hello release! (we hope).

Stop blabbering, and just write like you would in a diary.. no one is going to read this anyway.

Why is sticking to a diet so hard? Why is junk food so bad yet so good? Why do I feel it is okay to start a diet 8 weeks before I’m suppose to squeeze into a bikini on holiday, or is it to compete with your best friend who has done amazingly well to lose weight over the last couple of months that you are determined to be the ‘skinny’ friend? Yeah that sounds about right. Good luck me! You can maybe do it if you stop drinking that diet coke and snacking on haribo.

I feel a bit of a fool for doing this – seemed like an amazing idea at first – think of the followers, the support you will get, is what I told myself, now I just feel like I duped myself into doing this… who knows if it will stick.. does anyone keep a diary anymore? Feel a little too old to be doing this but alas, here we are.

Stop snacking on carbs me, it will do your thighs no good.

 

Love,

the wiser future me

x